Kathleen

 

Kathleen was the name I was born with

And it is forever with me

No matter how much I desire to change it

Maybe to something more unique

Like Elinor or Thalia

Names that get stuck in your head

 

I used to look up at the sky and dream

Dream of sitting on the saddle in high-end cowboy boots

Instead of slouching on my simple bike seat in old Nike’s

Caging me in to doubt in my abilities

 

My never-ending world

A simple ranch with exotic animals filling pens

Home to my friends the deer, llama, and buffalo

Filled with creations of mud pies and tepees

And old friends with their burial ceremonies

Me a famous veterinarian

Who could have saved them all

Having people lined up for miles, pets in tow

 

Happiness, I thought, did not

Lie in my seemingly simplistic life

But in entering my safe haven

That step across the threshold to outdoors

Where I found someone else

Not quite unlike me, but still someone not Kathleen

 

I didn’t intend to accept myself

But year by year

Month by month

day by day

Acceptance would flash across my face in the mirror

Instead of doubt

When I saw my mind, body, and face

Begin to grow out of their basic form

 

The thing about Kathleen

Maybe someday we can meet up

Go for a horseback ride

Swap stories

Because I might like what I learn